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Surely Surreal
Tuesday, July 13, 2004  



I wonder at times how much does it take to let go of ones fears. We live our lives surrounded by a ring of what ifs.. what if I get socked by the bully next door.. what if I fall and break my neck if I tried roller blading.. what if I drowned while swimming.. these trivialities concretize over years and get etched into our system. A fear, fear of being hurt.

And we start living a life confined to the realm of a close fisted world. And by this I mean a tendency to hold onto the familiarity around, never wanting to let go. Also in physicality reducing our worlds to the extent defined by the fist. We take in the pain of our fingers digging in, but the unknown we always seem to be wary off. And the fear comes from a pre learnt feeling of hurt. And we clench even harder onto old security blankets and long faded love each day. Not willing to let go, not willing to let go of our acquired fears? fears of losing what we have.

But are we in a position to own and call anything our own to begin with? What happens when we put ourselves in a temporal frame, where the things, people objects we encounter we attribute each of them with a will and want of their own. Where we no longer define them as entities which we have or possess, but that all of us are just floating entities, who happen to just fit into that frame within that time period, and keep jumping from one frame to other.

In that case, if a certain entity is not in the next frame with us, then that entity just chose of its own free will or circumstance to not jump into the next time frame. And we continue to move on. Any hurt that we feel is not a deliberate infliction targeted at you, but a momentary entity that happens to collide into us as we float by. We hurt, we fall, we stand up and float back again into the next frame.

Other hurts might sail into the next frame as well, but it is nothing personal. They are there because they just happen to be there, just like we are, of their own free will. And since everything is jumping from one time frame into another, nothing is stationary, nothing is marked as permanency. So when we linger and hold onto moments, people, we actually go back a couple of time frames which we?ve crossed. Sometimes, we linger in those time frames a little longer and slow down a little.

At times going back to those time frames also makes us realise how far ahead we have traveled and we surge right ahead, understanding the value of being in the frame that we were in before we jumped back into a frame from the past. Lingering in a past frame would mean lingering on with shadows of entities which probably are no longer even there. And we try to clench and trap them within the grasp of our fists? moments, people, grudges, faded love... and we continue to hurt.

Even when we do move on to different time frames, we at times tend to erase and delete the previous time frames from our world, disassociating ourselves from it. But who we are and why and how we have reached the present time frame is owed to the previous time frame. The key is to respect the time frames that we have encountered, for the moments and entities it contained and keep moving...

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K a n u r i t e
   5:14 AM



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